I Can't Live Without You

I Can’t Live Without You

A love story by LJ Kundananji

Suppose, just suppose that his claim is true…that he can’t live without you. What can you do if you are terribly certain you can live without him?



   Lewis hurled a stone into the Gomer Lakes. It bounced twice on the surface before sinking to the bottom. The so-called Gomer Lakes were actually not lakes, but large ponds. They were situated near the main entrance of the campus. Shady trees surrounded the lakes and the lawns around the lakes were good for seating. Thus a lot of people who just wanted to unwind or study dotted the lawns around the lakes.

   He paced up and down restlessly. He stared in the direction of the road, hoping to see her figure, but there was absolutely no sign of her. He frowned and thrust his hands into his pockets. His right hand struck something hard—his phone. He quickly whisked it out and stared at the screen.
   “Perhaps I should call her,” he said to himself as he pressed the little squeezed buttons. As he scrolled down through the phone book, he caught sight of her through the corner of his eye. He put back his phone with a smile slowly spreading across his handsome face. He straightened up and watched her with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.
   When she was near enough, he noticed that she walked with an elegant gait, her hips swaying slightly from side to side, as though she was a queen. Her long, brown skirt reached all the way to her ankles and nearly swept the ground as she walked. Her sleeveless shirt just barely concealed her cleavage.
   “Hi Lewis,” she said in a sweet voice, her eyes dancing with affection and a fantastic smile across her face. That was his weakness—the smile. It completely enchanted him. He felt like enfolding her, but he was not brave enough. He instead settled for a handshake.
   “Hi Emmy,” he said as he grasped her hand. He squeezed it gently. It was strong and firm—probably because of all those years of doing household chores. But now that she was staying on her own and working, she had been liberated from all the malevolent and obtrusive slavery that her guardians had imposed on her.
   “I was getting worried,” he confessed. “I thought you wouldn’t come…”
   He knew she had a propensity to being whimsical; and at times she would shift from utter gregariousness to sheer uncouthness in a whim. But ironically, that is what he loved about her—her unpredictable nature. It sort of gave her an aura of beauty; a mysterious, enchanting aura of beauty.
   “Oh Lewis,” she said humorously, “You know us ladies—we take long to get ready…”
   “Ah…pampering yourselves in front of ’em mirrors,” he said with a chuckle.
  “Yeah—it’s important.”
   They reclined on the grass, enjoying the gentle cool breeze that was howling softly in the trees above, and the beautiful scenery of the just about setting sun and its scintillating reflection on the lake.
   He had not seen Emmy for nearly three years. Now here she was, seated next to him, looking even more beautiful, more grown, more of a woman. Her white teeth flashed each time she opened her mouth, and that stare of hers that captivated him from the very beginning; that stare full of affection…
   He could barely keep his eyes off her.
   “How have you been Lewis?” she asked with subtle curiosity.
   “Fine, I have,” he said with a smile. “And you?”
   “Oh, terribly fine,” she revealed with a little giggle. Lewis’ heart beat faster.
   “That is wonderful—you finally finished your education and are working.”
   “Yeah—everything worked out; I am working at UTH as a nurse—something I always wanted, I guess.”
   “I am sure you are a wonderful nurse.”
   “Thanks.”
   For a while, they were silent as they admired the scenery. Lewis usually ran out of things to say each time he was with Emmy, and he did not really know why, and each time she stared at him, he melted inside…
   “I am surprised and flattered at the same time,” he revealed, giving her a side-ward glance.
   “Why are you surprised?” she asked in a soft, affectionate voice, pulling at the grass.
   “You—you changed your mind about us,” he said in a shaky voice.
   She held his arm with both her hands. He held his breath as they stared into each other’s eyes.
   “Lewis,” she said, almost in a whisper. “I always loved you…”
   “You made me think otherwise—I …I gave up on you…”
   “I was not ready then for any relationship…”
   “I know…” he said with a smile.
   Lewis shuddered slightly. He felt like touching her long plaited braids…but he could not get himself to do it…
   “Let’s go,” he said, getting to his feet. He helped her up.
   “Where are we going?”
   “Arcades…”
   “Oh! That is wonderful,” she shrieked.
   “Yeah…but first we have to pick up a friend.”
   As they walked towards the hostels, hand in hand, Lewis had the greatest feeling he had ever felt before. He had always desired to have Emmy by his side. And now, here she was. He knew that she loved him. He did not need to ask her. It showed in her stare, in her charming little giggles, in her smile, in the manner she talked. And he loved her too; he loved her with all his heart. And when the right time came, he was going to pop the question. He had planned it all very carefully.
   His friend, Patwell, stayed in Tiyende Pamodzi Hostel Block. Patwell was in his final year, studying Engineering. He was an excellent student and was destined to graduate with distinctions. Lewis however, was studying English. After having failed in his second year at the Copperbelt University in his studies of engineering, he decided to further his writing interests by studying English. His friends though regarded him foolish because they seriously saw him going nowhere with his writing…
   Lewis knocked on the door strongly and opened it before anyone answered. He stuck his head in.
   “Hi Patwell!” he greeted warmly. “Ready, are you now?”
   “Not quite,” Patwell replied as he combed his long curly hair.
   “We’ll wait outside,” Lewis said.
   A few moments later, Patwell, being slightly fat, squeezed himself through the half open door. A large cupboard was placed in the middle of the room and divided it into two smaller rooms. On one side stayed Patwell, and on the other, his roomie. This cupboard prevented the door from fully opening.
   “Emmy, this is Patwell,” Lewis introduced, “Patwell, Emmy.”
   “Hi,” Emmy said timorously.
   “How are you Mrs. Kankoya?” he greeted humorously, with a big smile, as he extended his arm.
   “I am fine,” Emmy said with a giggle as she shook his hand. Lewis chuckled.
   “Shall we go now?” Lewis asked.
   “Of course!” Patwell said with a wink.
   The three of them scurried through campus, ascended and descended several flights of stairs and finally were walking down the concrete pathway down to the bus station where a number of bus conductors, who were ardent at packing up their buses with any human being who came their way, stood waiting for them. They stared ravenously at them as they approached. There was no little scuffle when they revealed that they were getting on a bus, with each conductor trying to get them on his. But Patwell, being large and quite intimidating, snapped at them and guided his two friends to one of the buses of his choice, with his hands on their shoulders.
   Emmy was impressed with Patwell’s strong and firm character.
   “I like the way you handled these guys,” she commended when they had flopped into their seats.
   “They deserve it,” Patwell said with a big smile. With his large moustache, he looked like the proverbial hero in a romantic movie. Lewis noticed that Emmy got lost for a few moments in his gaze. He held her hand and she stared back at him with round, nervous and somewhat naïve eyes.
   When they arrived at Arcades shopping mall, they went to a restaurant and ordered a meal. Lewis of course, being the organizer of this special outing, paid for their food. Being fretful and almost always careful, he had decided to bring along his friend to sort of act as their chaperon. But he was regretting it already. Patwell was a great talker, and he and Emmy were talking away like old friends.
   “What are you studying, Patwell?” she asked as she wiped her mouth daintily.
   “Engineering…Bachelor’s degree,” he responded as he stuffed his mouth with food.
   “Gee! That is great! Which year?”
   “Final.”
   “Wow!” she narrowed her eyes and stared at Lewis from the corner of her eyes, with a very slight hint of contempt. “You see Lewis; that is what you should have been studying—not English!”
   “I tried studying that, remember?” he said, goggling at her. “It just didn’t work out…”
   “You should have tried again.”
   “I reckoned I should do something I Love—I love English, especially literature…” he said, slightly hurt.
   “Lewis is a great writer,” Patwell said when he realised that his friend was going down.
   “Oh…you still write?” she asked with a glimmer of excitement.
   “I told you I am a writer…” he said with a little disappointment. How could she forget so soon?
   “He has written a lot about you!” Patwell said, smiling humorously.
   “Has he now?” she stared at him teasingly.
    “There is an element of you in almost all of my stories,” he said warmly.
   “Great! I’ll be famous!” she squealed, clapping her hands together in apparent delight. Lewis smirked…
   The rest of his date with Emmy was almost a nightmare. Patwell thoroughly mesmerised her with his gregarious nature. He was really entertaining her (or was it the both of them?) and Lewis had to work hard to engage himself in the conversation. Funnily enough, Emmy seemed to open up profusely to Patwell—indeed more than she did to Lewis.
   By the time they were parting it was apparent that Emmy really had had a nice time. She was laughing merrily. But Lewis was not feeling so good. He had pictured things differently. He had hoped that he and she would get more acquainted. But it seemed she was now better acquainted with his best friend.
   “I have really enjoyed myself, guys,” she said with a saccharine smile, but her eyes predominantly on Patwell, as they escorted her to the station where she was going to take a bus home.
   Lewis gingerly pulled her aside and stared into her face.
   “I will see you soon…” he said a bit firmly.
   To his dismay, there was a distant look in her eyes.
   “Yeah…” she said.
   “I’ll call you…” he promised.
   “Okay…bye…” with that she got on the bus. The two boys watched the bus as it slowly drove away.
   “She is great man!” Patwell exclaimed, “You chose well…”
   Lewis just glanced at his friend coldly.
   “You sure did enjoy yourself,” he said in an icy cold voice.
   “Didn’t you?”
   “Not when you stole all her attention, I didn’t,” he replied.
   “Oh…sorry man,” he said apologetically. “I just couldn’t help it…”
   “And she really did open up to you, she!” he said staring daggers at him.
   Suddenly Patwell thrust his hand on his shoulder and caressed it gently. A firm sympathetic look spread across his face.
   “Don’t feel insecure man,” he said, “she is yours…it’s you she loves. I wouldn’t even dream of taking her away from you…Just hold on to her. You have been through a lot—you definitely deserve her.”
   “I have always loved her,” he said with a sniffle, “From the very beginning…I have never felt what I feel for her for anyone else…I wonder if she even knows how much I love her…”
   “She does,” he said reassuringly, “that is why she came back…”
   “I guess you are right,” he said giving him a slight smile.
   “Yeah…let’s board our bus now…”

   Lewis, still feeling insecure, decided to remind Emmy of how much he loved her. He sent her plenty of text messages such as:
   “With u oways I desire to b; bask in the warmth of yo company; I desire to c oways the lustre in yo dancing eyes, as you set them on me…and your enchanting smile, that u freely dispense to me. And even when apart, you adorn my heart with saccharine memories of you…”
   Of course, being a writer, or something of the sort, he could not help being poetic. And Emmy would respond to such wooing with short, terse messages of thanks. She certainly felt flattered. Who wouldn’t?
   However, as time passed, Lewis noticed something strange. Emmy stopped responding to his messages. And when he talked to her, she sounded cold and distant. He remembered one particular phone conversation that he had had with her one evening.
   “Hi!” he had greeted merrily.
   “Hi…” came her cold reply.
   “What’s the matter?”
   “How do you mean?”
   “You sound awfully cold…and distant…”
   “I’m just tired.”
   “I see…” he cleared his throat nervously, “but why the silence?”
   “Oh…I haven’t had the time—I’ve really been busy…”
   “Hmmm…I’ll be coming to see you soon.”
   “When?”
   “Friday…”
   “Um…Friday is not good…how about Saturday?”
   “Okay, no problem…”
   “Good bye…”
   “Bye…”
   Lewis immediately went to see his friend Patwell and poured out his feelings to him. He told him about how Emmy had grown cold and distant, and about how she had stopped responding to his messages.
   “Maybe she just needs time out,” Patwell said. “Don’t push it too hard.”
   “I just feel like I am losing my grip on her.”
   Patwell put his arm around his friend. “Everything will work out in time—don’t fret too much…”
   “I guess you are right…you are a very good friend.” He said smiling at him warmly.
   “So are you…” he said.

   Saturday came. Lewis walked out of campus with a low stoop and with his hands in his pockets. He kicked at a stone in fury. Emmy had just called him. She had cancelled their appointment, saying she had just been called to work.
   Lewis, feeling all miserable and depressed, decided to go to Arcades and watch a movie. He bought a ticket and some popcorn. Oh how he missed Emmy so! How he wished she were with him!
   Suddenly, as he turned to walk into the cinema, he came face to face with Emmy. He stopped dead in his path. The popcorn crushed to the ground and scattered all over the floor. She gaped at him in shock, her eyes as round as golf balls. She looked terribly fetching in her long black dress that exposed her shoulders and just covered her breasts. Her treated hair was all curly and black. There was a smudge of pink lipstick on her lips.
   “Emmy, I am so glad you came!” he exclaimed. “I really did miss you! I really do love you Emmy! I have realized that I can’t live without you…”
   But Emmy just stood there, petrified like a statue, her eyes growing wider. Lewis was puzzled.
   “Talk to me, Emmy,” he said pleadingly.
   She slowly turned her head and looked behind her. Lewis followed her gaze and noticed with utter shock Patwell walking towards them.
   “Emmy! There you are! Have you bought the pop…” the words died in his throat when he suddenly saw Lewis.
   Lewis shook his head in utter disbelief.
   “No…no…no…” he said in a small voice, staring at his friend with a gapping mouth. “I thought we are friends, Patwell.”
    “I am so sorry,” Patwell said in a trembling voice.
   Lewis stared from Emmy to Patwell, not quite sure of what to make of it. His eyes flooded with tears. He slowly reached out for Emmy’s hand and gently squeezed it. He stared into her face. Tears were streaking down her face in streams.
   “Goodbye, my love,” he said as he let go of her hand. He slowly turned and walked out of the building.
   Emmy and Patwell remained watching him as he disappeared through the door and vanished among the crowds. They were both thoroughly shaken.
   Emmy flung herself at Patwell in despair and enfolded him tightly. She sobbed heavily on his shoulder.
   “I didn’t want to do that to him,” she gasped.
   “Neither did I,” Patwell breathed as he caressed her back.
   Suddenly, there was the sound of screeching tires and screams of revulsion outside.
   “What’s that?” Emmy asked, suddenly letting go of Patwell. Her eyes grew wide with fear—cold icy fear.
   The two of them rushed outside along with a number of people. A large crowd had gathered in the car park, with everyone fighting to see what had happened. They fought their way through the crowd to the front. They were met with a terrible sight. There, on the ground with blood splattered all over his clothes lay Lewis with his face down. The driver of the car that had hit him was trembling all over as he tried to turn him over.
   Emmy threw her hand to her mouth in severe shock.
   “Oh God!” she cried as she collapsed to the ground, “I killed him!”
Patwell rushed to where Lewis lay. He fell to his knees beside him, the tears pouring out of his eyes in streams.
   “Oh Lewis!” he cried. “If this is your doing…then you never really loved her…”
   He watched the wailing girl and shuddered terribly. She was awfully traumatized. The only words that were echoing in her head were the ones that Lewis had uttered to her a while ago: “…I can’t live without you…”

 

 

I can't Live Without You
© Kundananji Creations 2008

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